I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
