I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
