these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
