well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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