In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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