Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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