You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
