return my video game
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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