Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I puked a lego.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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