Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
