I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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