the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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