WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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