I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
