he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
