your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
