Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
