This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
