yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
