today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
