you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
