the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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