He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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