that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
