Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
