Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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