is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
