wanna go halves on a baby?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
