He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
