How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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