his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
