I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
