she was so not down for the gang bang
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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