I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need water and some morals
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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