i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize