what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
