there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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