Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
