her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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