billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
