who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
