Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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