He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
