I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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