She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I need to calm my uterus...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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