Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
