I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
