Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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