So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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