Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
