I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
