Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
