Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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