don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
