the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize