lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
