there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
