glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
