So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
