I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
