We're like a lot better than the average bears
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
