Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
