I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize