I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
