Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
