D3 body, D1 cock
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize