apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
