your parents love me but you hate me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
