I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
