Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
