Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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