If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
