dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
