I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
is it fun? or sober?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
