I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
this boner is exhausting
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
