Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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