take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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