we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
tell me about the fingering
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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