I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Randomize
