I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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