You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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