sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
