I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
