Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
