If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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