Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
