Just cropdusted the office
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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